The 5 Hour Energy 5 day challenge

A few weeks ago at the Fire Department Instructors Conference I got some free samples of 5 Hour Energy, the "original two-ounce energy shot." According to their website:

5-Hour Energy shots contain a powerful blend of B-vitamins, amino acids, essential nutrients and as much caffeine as a cup of the leading premium coffee.

I got five free samples: 3 regular strength in various flavors, 1 extra-strength, and 1 decaf. With five days in a work week and five samples, it seemed a natural fit for a week-long test. I don't normally drink any energy drinks (Redbull, etc) or coffee to wake myself up so this is virgin territory for me.

Day One
Since I don't really do the energy drink thing, I decided to start off mild. According to the directions on the bottle, for moderate energy you drink one half of the bottle, then four hours later drink the other half. I had the first half of a berry-flavored one with my breakfast, and the second half after lunch. I noticed no side effects (skin redness and heart palpitations are listed as potential side effects!) but even more so, I noticed no actual effects. And, to be perfectly honest, around 6pm I started to feel pretty tired, which isn't normal for me at all. Day one results - the moderate energy didn't seem to give me any more energy than normal, I actually felt more drained at the end of the day.

Day Two
Last night/this morning was rough, I was on fire duty and slept about four hours. This will be a good test of the 5 Hour Energy. Today I chose the extra-strength bottle, and no half-now-half-later crap, we're going full strength. Immediately I did notice a difference, a big difference, I felt perked up and not tired at all. But, I didn't feel focused, I felt like I was forgetting little details all morning. And when it ran it's course through my body I was dead tired again. I don't know if I really gained anything short of not yawning all morning and complaining about not getting any sleep. At best, I managed to delay my crabbiness till after the end of the workday. Day two results - with minimal sleep I managed to survive the workday without falling asleep on my desk, and the berry-flavored burps stopped after about an hour.

Day Three
After a long day I took a little nap. When I woke up I was pretty groggy, and needed to go run on the treadmill - 5 Hour Energy to the rescue! Today's flavor of choice was lemon-lime. It didn't taste as good as the berry, and frankly, it didn't help any either. I didn't feel like I woke up any faster, and definitely didn't notice any energy gain while on the treadmill. I actually felt tired sooner, and seemed to sweat more than normal. Hmmmmm......

Day Four
I've decided to end this little science experiment early. I had concerns about ingesting 8000+% of my daily intake of certain vitamins, knowing that things like that can cause problems with your kidneys, liver, etc. And, after discussing it with some friends (one doctor and one human nutrition expert), it's a known fact that the B vitamins in 5 Hour Energy are non-fat-soluble, meaning whatever your body can't use (i.e. 100%) your body can't store, so your kidneys just filter it out, resulting in vitamin B-rich urine.

Conclusion
Energy drinks are modern-day snake oil. Take a nap instead, you'll feel better and it's a lot better for your renal system. Anyone want my two leftover samples?